Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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