apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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