I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
