end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
