i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
