Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize