Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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