New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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