i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
