If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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