he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
