You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
