I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
