Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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