I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
