I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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