I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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