I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
