Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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