Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
