Sober January is a disaster.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
