I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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