i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
