I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
