Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
