You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize