everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Couch. On fire.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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