he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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