I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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