they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize