my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
