why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
