Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just pee around me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
