Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
