im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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