I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
