wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
