In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
