I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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