I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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