I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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