Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
