This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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