420 ftw
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
