Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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