I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
