He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
