My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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