Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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