he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
