Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he puts the penis in happiness.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
