I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You ruined the universe
Randomize
