oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
