I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
