K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
