When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
