Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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