i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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