paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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