I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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