Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
