I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
