fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
