We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
