Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
