I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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