It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
