Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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