You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
