Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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