Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
