Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
