He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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