I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
