we have pet lesbian snakes
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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