WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it's great music for shaving your balls
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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