I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she told me i tasted like america
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
