We won't sleep together?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
