We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
