He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
