did you get engaged???
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
