She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
