I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize