I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
