Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
As shirtless as possible
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
