i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
