what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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