I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Do vagina's smell?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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