I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
