Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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