sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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