I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
as a side note pls kill me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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