Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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