it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
