I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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