So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
