1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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