I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
A bitchslap is in order.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
