Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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