what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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