Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
