So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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