There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize