i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
