Whod you bang
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
