where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I DEMAND FORESKIN
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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