the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
