His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
