Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Small penises have feelings too.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
