i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
