WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
