maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
